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Valentine’s Day, Van Sandt Style

AT RISE: Stephanie is discovered in the interior of a small apartment living room, dimly lit by a standing lamp and a television tuned to The Food Network.  She sits on a shabby couch with one cat in her lap, the other on the floor, eating her pantyhose.

Kyle enters from stage right, laden with plastic shopping bags.

KYLE:  Hi, monster.

STEPH:  Hi, sweetie.  Rises to meet him in kitchen. What’s all this, I thought you were just picking up something to grill?

KYLE:  Well, I was going to buy you some flowers, but then I thought you might like cheese instead, so I brought you some fancy cheese.  Pulls from shopping bag some brie and Ritz crackers.

STEPH:  You brought me cheese for Valentine’s Day?

KYLE:  I love you.

STEPH: Sighs. I love you, too.  In a very messed up way, I love you, too.

They proceed to sit on the couch and drink beer and eat their combined weight in cheese and crackers.


POST NOTE:  To be fair, he did also take me out for a lovely dinner on Valentine’s Day, so it’s not like he failed at Valentine’s.  And to be even more fair, I do love me some fancy cheese.  What can I say, the man knows me.

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