AT RISE: Stephanie is discovered in the interior of a small apartment living room, dimly lit by a standing lamp and a television tuned to The Food Network. She sits on a shabby couch with one cat in her lap, the other on the floor, eating her pantyhose.
Kyle enters from stage right, laden with plastic shopping bags.
KYLE: Hi, monster.
STEPH: Hi, sweetie. Rises to meet him in kitchen. What’s all this, I thought you were just picking up something to grill?
KYLE: Well, I was going to buy you some flowers, but then I thought you might like cheese instead, so I brought you some fancy cheese. Pulls from shopping bag some brie and Ritz crackers.
STEPH: You brought me cheese for Valentine’s Day?
KYLE: I love you.
STEPH: Sighs. I love you, too. In a very messed up way, I love you, too.
They proceed to sit on the couch and drink beer and eat their combined weight in cheese and crackers.
POST NOTE: To be fair, he did also take me out for a lovely dinner on Valentine’s Day, so it’s not like he failed at Valentine’s. And to be even more fair, I do love me some fancy cheese. What can I say, the man knows me.