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And I’d thought the worst things the Hiltons had done was giving birth to Paris…

Greetings!  I write to you from the lobby of the Hilton Marietta Hotel and Conference Center.  I’m standing at the front desk, with a beer, behind the only computer in the entire hotel that will let you use the internet without paying $9.95/day.  There are two girls standing behind the front desk, giving me the nastiest look I have seen emmitted from any human eyes.

I wish.  That’s what I wanted to do.


Kyle and I were given two nights at an extremely fancy Hilton hotel as a gift.  It was originally booked for a guest at Kyle’s work, but when they had to cancle it was offered to us.  We gratefully and ecstatically packed bags for two nights and checked in.  The lobby is absolutely breathtaking.  Very old Southern money: golden gilding, beautiful paintings, exquisite chandeliers.  The room was also very lovely, though smaller than we expected.  And filled with the faint, but very distinct smell of weed.  No matter.

I dropped Kyle off at his show, picked up some nice beer (Amber Boch) and fancy cheese (Brie), and happily returned to the room to relax for a few hours before picking Kyle up.  I turned on the tv, opened my laptop, connected to the wifi…wtf?  $9.95 a day for wifi?  That can’t be right.  This is a $100-a-night room, that can’t be right.  I called down to the front desk.

“Hi, I’m in room 503, I was wondering, is there some special code I should be using to connect to the wireless?…Yes, I saw the opening screen, I was just so shocked to see that you actually expected me to pay to use wireless that I figured that I must be mistaken…how disappointing.  *click*”

Can you believe it?!  I’m sitting in a fancy-pantsy hotel room and they want me to pay for wifi?  Shit, I can go to Dunken Donuts and get free wifi!  Especially since this is a conference center, where thousands of businessmen armed with laptops descend every year.  Do they make them pay for wifi?  Who the hell makes you pay for wifi anymore?!

Okay, I’m mad.  Maybe I’ll go check out the pool.  I mean, surely this sprawling complex of a hotel has a pool and a hottub.  I can sit in the hottub and relax for a while.

After 15 minutes of wandering, I finally stumbled upon the pool in a subterranian labyrinth.  In order to get to the pool you have to walk through the fitness center, through a bathroom, down a short hallway, and out a door.  Walk through said door, you’ll find yourself in an unlit ally, which I can only guess is a favorite of rapists.  Walk down the ally, and you’ll find yourself standing in front of a small, unlit, and currently covered pool.  Awesome.

It was at this point that I tried to think of the most loud and obnoxious method for expressing my anger, and it was then that I thought of writing my post at the lobby computer.  Loudly, of course.  It was also at this point, however, that I realized that it’s not the fault of those poor girls standing behind front desk, nor that of the other guests, that some asshat thought that charging for wifi was okay, and decided to instead just go home.  I mean, if all I can do in that room is sit and watch tv then I might as well do so where I can sit and watch tv with wifi.  And kittens.

Which is where you find me now.  Sitting on my couch, watching Food Network (these people are making dresses out of chocolate!), kitten on my lap, and venting my anger to all of you.  And 7 different travel websites.  And the Hilton costomer services woman that I called despite the fact that it’s 9:30 on a Saturday night.  In 20 minutes, I’ll go pick Kyle up, and we’ll go back to the hotel to enjoy some nice beer and fancy cheese.  Hey, if the beer is nice enough and the cheese fancy enough, any place can feel like home.

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