Normally, that statement would be a travesty, a boldfaced lie.
So, I’m sitting on the couch this evening with my laptop. I want to write a new post because it’s been like 3 days, but frankly, I’m dry. I have never felt more uninspired in my life. So I’m sitting here, watching Family Guy, and trying to figure out a way to phone it in, when I found my inspiration.
Tonight’s Family Guy episode. (The Juice Is Loose; it’s not on YouTube yet but give it an hour.)
It begins nicely. A fun episode. Nice interview bit between Brian and Stewie, some Cleavland and Joe making out, and a nice mix of violence and vomit. Good times. And then I hear Peter utter the 6 words that make me want to stab a baby in the eyes: “Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Conway Twitty.”
For those of you who aren’t Family Guy connoisseurs, the Conway Twitty gag is one where in the middle of an episode, Peter will say, “Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Conway Twitty,” and they’ll cut away to a live action shot of a Conway Twitty performance. The gag was marginally funny the first time it was used. I put it in the same category as the fighting chicken gag, or the Peter falling and clutching his knee gag; you kind-of chuckle, and take the opportunity to get up and get more orange juice and graham crackers.
But the Conway Twitty gag on tonight’s episode was 5 FUCKING MINUTES LONG! Which is a really long-ass time to watch something that’s NOT FUNNY! Seriously, they played an entire Conway Twitty song. Who the hell is Conway Twitty, anyway? And what in god’s name made Seth MacFarlane think that we would find him funny? How is that funny? IT’S NOT! It’s long and boring and annoying and it makes me want to rip my own eyes out.
Seth MacFarlane, I have been a fan for a very long time. I pride myself in being able to name the episode within the first 2 minutes. But you’re on notice. Cut out the Conway Twitty shit.
And now, ladies and gentlemen…
It’s still not funny.
UPDATE: Apparently the Twitter world agrees with me, because Conway Twitty is now the #2 trend on Twitter. But in happier news, MacFarlane is on Twitter as well, so now I can tell him myself how much he failed.