≡ Menu

Proof of Brilliance

So, as you all know, I work at a high-end clothing store. While we’re expected to present ourselves with a certain amount of style and polish, I pride myself in my appearance at work. Carefully put together outfits, interesting jewelry, full make-up, the whole shebang.
It was for this reason that I found myself rushing on Saturday morning to pull myself together. Well, really my laziness and inability to stop watching “Tool Academy” with Kyle and get out of bed was the reason that I found myself rushing, but my refusal to compromise my appearance didn’t help matters. So I’m rushing, and I’m stuffing myself into pantyhose, and I’m smearing on eyeshadow, and I’m looking pretty good. Except this one single lock of hair that’s flipping the wrong direction. Everything else on my head is curving nicely around my face, except this long chunk by my face. I chuck my curling iron at the counter, find my shoes, and put in my earrings as I plug in the iron with my teeth.
The cursing that followed would have made even the hardest gang banger step back and say, “Whoa, language, bitch!”
In my hurry to get my ass out the door I burned my neck with my curling iron. Burned my fucking neck with my curling iron. Remember in high school when you’d come home from making out with your boyfriend with a hickey and your parents asked you where you got that from and you couldn’t think of anything so you told them that you burned yourself with a curling iron even though you haven’t owned a curling iron since 1993? Yeah, I ACTUALLY burned myself with a curling iron. Except that it looked like a hickey. Without, you know, the making out.
So, you ask, how could things get better than by me having to go to work with what looks like a giant hickey on my neck? Mmm, maybe when all the skin falls off? Not yet. How about when it starts turning red? Close. Yellow? That’s it! All I have to say is be glad I decided not to post a picture, because this thing is seven levels of disgusting.
So now I’ve got a doctors appointment tomorrow morning to have this yellow, crusty, pussing trophy of my brilliance on my neck checked out. Hopefully it will heal quickly.
Because no one believes me yet when I say it’s a curling iron burn.

{ 4 comments… add one }
  • ufunny February 24, 2009, 12:12 pm

    a) i’m sorry you burned yourself and hope you heal quickly
    b) i once burned my forehead with my curling iron. not a tremendously popular hickey spot and my bangs covered it
    c) i confess that i laughed out loud at your description of events. does this make me evil?

  • mark February 24, 2009, 1:38 pm

    I’m thinking you could have gone for a symmetrical burn on the opposite side of your neck and christened a brand new style in self mutilation. Tattoos and piercings are for sissies, curling iron burns are the real deal.

  • bananas February 24, 2009, 3:58 pm

    ok I just clicked over from your comment and now I have to tell you that you have the cutest blog ever. Oh, and my sister gave me a big fat curling iron burn across my arm the day before my wedding… so I FEEL your pain. Heh.

  • Mama Bee February 24, 2009, 4:04 pm

    Just spotted you at Bananas and I’m in love already! Consider me a fan! 🙂

Leave a Comment