Wal-mart sells everything.  Friggin’ everything. (Unless you’re in Kansas; then they sell everything but real beer.)  But if I could run to the store and pick up a 6-pack of free time, I’d be friggin’ all over that shit.  Seriously, when the hell do you get everything done when you’re working 8-hours a day?

I’ve never really done the 8-hour work day thing before.  Last year when I was working retail my shifts rarely lasted longer than 4 hours, which gave me either my morning or afternoon for errands and housework.  And before that I was in college, which, let’s face it, is flexible and could be ignored if I was out of pants.  For the first time, my entire day is taken up by one activity; and not just one day, but all of them!  Suddenly going to the gym has been tossed by the wayside, the cat box is getting ripe, and Kyle and I have to make a date night just to go grocery shopping.

To be fair, I did the 8-16 hour day thing last summer when I worked for the theatre in Oklahoma.  So it’s not like working a full day is completely foreign to me.  What makes this summer different is that this year I have friends.  (Or at the very least a husband who has friends who can pretend that they like me; either  way, I’m okay with that.)  Whereas last year I would come home, and being all alone with no distractions, I had my evenings to do laundry and grocery shopping.  And keeping my box studio apartment clean was a breeze, since part of the price of my incredibly-expensive-takes-up-over-half-my-paycheck-and-I’m-now-making-less-than-the-intern rent was cleaning lady services once a week.  (I don’t need to explain how amazing cleaning ladies are, do I?)

But this year is different.  Not only do I not have a nice lady who comes and wipes down my shower once a week, but I have a husband who thinks that ice cream sandwiches are an appetizer, and that cardigans go in the dryer.  Worst of all, a husband and friends who believe that dinner is best spent at a bar with fries and evenings are meant for beer.  Which, (as I’m sure you all deducted from my last post,) I’ve discovered is an AWESOME way to go.

So we come home a little after 6:00, both of us filthy.  Kyle’s been welding all day, so he’s covered in grease and soot, and I’ve been hauling cable and lights all over, which leaves me covered in dirt and dust.  (Don’t ask me to explain why, but lighting gear always feels as if it’s been spending time in someone’s shed, even when brand new.)  So by the time we both shower and one of us puts on a face, (and blowdries her hair and changes 4 times,) it’s usually around 7:30.  We’re at the bar/baseball stadium concession stand/friend’s house/couch by 8:00, we’ve eaten by 8:45, and by the time the game ends/we’re cut off it’s 10:00, which is far too late to be folding laundry.  (And even if it weren’t too late, I’m drunk, and have you ever tried convincing a drunk woman to fold laundry?  Yeah, that’s how the laundry ends up out on the porch.)

Beer and obliteration aside, how does one uphold an 8-hour day, a social life, a workout regime and a functioning household?  Christ, I can’t even imagining throwing kids into that mix.  I know it can’t be that hard, since millions of adults do it every day, but I’m just not sure how.  I keep doing the math, and I keep coming up short.  And I haven’t even gotten into how I keep up on my blog/s, stay well-read, cook and bake, and all the other little hobbies I enjoy.  Shit, I haven’t even found time to pluck my eyebrows.  Where do you find the time for everything?

I suppose the answers aren’t that hard.  I should probably grow up, rearrange my priorities, and set aside some evenings for catching up on the humdrums of responsible adult life instead of drinking my liver into a hockey puck.  And yet, here I am, watching the Red Wings game with a filthy kitchen, slightly bushy eyebrows, and beer #4.  Oh, and I just remembered that our laundry has been sitting in the dryers for the last 2 hours.

I’ll be responsible in the fall.

Actually, our internet is still down.  And husband just announced that he decided to switch to a different internet company, so our internet will be hooked up on Friday instead of tomorrow.  In related news, the body of a 23 year old man was just found on my front porch.  Cause of death: bludgeon to the head with victim’s own laptop.

But I digress.

1) Moved a 2-bedroom apartment into a studio apartment.  Also made it at least 6 hours without trying to murder my husband.  We’re very proud of ourselves.

2) Flew with husband down to New “Orleans to spec potential jobs and neighborhoods.  Freakin amazing city.  All the cool stuff of New York City, but instead of stealing your tires your neighbors make you pie.

3) While in New Orleans, went out to dinner with (hopefully) new bosses.  I don’t know who’s credit card we were using, but I don’t think it belonged to anyone at the table since 6 appetizers, several fillets, and 2 bottles of wine were ordered.  I got to eat a dessert called “The Infamous Chocolate-Bacon Torte.”    I think it was served by Jesus.

4) Hooked up the disco ball in the electrics shop by standing on the top step of an extremely wobbly wooden ladder.  Saw my life flash before my eyes; decided that it needed more beer.

5) Went to a minor league baseball game with husband and friends.  A red team was playing a blue team.  More importantly, there were $1 Shiner Bochs.  Got silly.  (Which is drunk enough to heckle players and egg on friend who goes down on the field to compete in a race with a giant hot dog.)

6) Went to the Old Chicago bar to watch the Red Wings win the semi-finals.  Was very excited to find other Wings fans living in this hockey-less hellhole.  Ate an expensive calzone and drank expensive beer.  Got felty.  (Which is a few steps below silly; drunk enough to scream expletives involving the promiscuity of a player’s mother while banging my fists on the bar and make outrageous bets with other patrons.)

7) Went to another baseball game, which was even more awesome when we discovered that with a student ID admission is free.  (So technically we’re not students anymore, but we’re broke like students.)  Drank lots and lots of $1 beers.  Ended the night at a dive bar with nachos and more beer.  Got schnockered.  (Which is drunker than silly; drunk enough to make up loud songs about the poor technique of the blue team players and use the wrong gender’s public restrooms.)

8 ) Enjoyed another Wings game at Old Chicago, (and more beer and yelling,) followed by a crew member’s house party.  Partook in Frito’s and artichoke dip and a lovely vintage of Jungle Juice that tasted like Sweet Tarts and was served from a sports water cooler.  Had some lovely conversations, threw plastic cups at the carpenters sitting in the tree, and cheered on the Frisbee game taking place in the intersection.  Got pickled.  (Which is a few steps above shnockered; drunk enough that I held an entire conversation with my hand in another girl’s dress pocket, fell down a single stair, hid under the kitchen table when Kyle told me it was time to leave, and woke up this morning with a small cut on my hand that I don’t remember getting.)

9) Went to work today only slightly hungover.  In order to kill time while our bosses fixed the printer we ran for QuikTrip slushies and played Hangman.  My category was “The Saddest Thing You Can Think Of.”  The answer was “dead puppies wearing party hats.”

May 18, 2:45  Arrive in Wichita.  Head to leasing office to pick up keys.

May 18, 2:50  Discover that despite the fact that MTW has agreed to pay for our housing, they set the lease start date for the 23rd

May 18, 2:51 Begin a furious barrage of calls and text messages to the Company Manager.

May 18, 2:52 Begin worrying that I’ll have to live in the car for the next 5 days with the Yowler Twins

May 18, 2:55 Sit in the car to wait for phone call, for fear that the cats will broil in the backseat.

May 18, 3:15 Begin to hardcore panic.  Blame the apartment complex for sucking, the theatre for setting the wrong date, and Kyle for convincing me to take this job.

May 18, 3:30 Recieve text message from Company Manager.  We’ll  be switching apartments with a scenic painter, since she won’t be in today.

May 18, 3:32 Finally get keys from leasing office.

May 18, 3:35 Haul cats out of car and up 2 flights of stairs to apartment.

May 18, 3:37 Key won’t open the door.  Let loose an epic string of profanity.

May 18, 3:45 Return from the leasing office with another key.  Am finally able to open my apartment door.

May 18, 3:50 Enter apartment.  Realize that a) it is all one room, (when standing at the front door you are standing in both the living room and our bedroom,) and b) shares standards of cleanliness with a frat house.  The carpets are sticky.

May 18, 5:20 Make first of many trips to Wal-Mart for (among other things,) a shower curtain, cleaning supplies, and ice cream.

May 18, 5:30 Realize that Wichita Wal-Mart contains some of the finest examples of white trash that I have ever seen.

May 18, 7:00 Upon returning home from Wal-Mart, tried to cook dinner without the aid of any real dishes, cooking supplies, or microwave.  Luckily, frozen pizza requires none of those.  Also spent my first evening without tv or internet.  The decent into madness was surprisingly quick.

May 19 Spent the whole day arranging the apartment, hunting down shorts that don’t make me look like a whale smothered in cottage cheese, and trying to clean the carpets without a vaccume.  Also spent an hour and a half trying to mooch wifi from a neighbor; was only marginally successful at any of them.

May 20, 9:00 First day of work.  Met a billion people, only 3 of who’s names I remember.  This is especially awkward, since apparently everyone remembers me from visiting Kyle last year.  Spend the day trying to pretend that I remember meeting everyone.

May 21, 9:00 Second day of work.  Spend the day on phone with Kyle, trying to arrange a last-minute trip on Sunday to check out a potential job in New Orleans.  Clear 4 different itineraries with 3 different bosses.  Cry and tell Kyle that I hate him on several occasions.  Mean none of them, but the frustration makes me mean.  Finally get things figured out and set.  Oh, also I did some work.

May 21 10:19 Mooched wifi crashes before I’m able to come up with a decent ending to this post.  Fuck.