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My New Year’s Non-Resolutions

I used to believe in New Year’s Resolutions.  Sort of like how I used to believe in Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, and husbands who bring flowers home on Valentine’s Day without being told to.

I was totally into the ritual of it, too.  On January 1st, I would sit down in my room and with the fanciest pen and paper at my disposal, I would write out my resolution for the year.  Then it would go into a sealed envelope, and I would burn it over a candle flame.  There wasn’t any real reason for the burning, but I’d seen someone do it in a Lifetime movie and thought it was cool.  I was incredibly detailed about how I was to accomplish these goals, as well.  One year, my resolution was to stop biting my lips, so my plan was wear a rubber band on my wrist.  Every time I found myself biting my lips, I was to snap myself with the rubber band (the idea being to build negative association,) and take a drink of water, (to combat my secondary goal of loosing weight.)  They were lofty goals, my resolutions.

And yet, here I am, 23 years old, I chew my lips until they bleed, I still don’t take enough pictures, and I’m still getting therapy from Dr Haagen-dazs when I get depressed.  New Year’s resolutions indeed.  When asked what my New Years resolution is this year, I tell people that my resolution is to stop putting pressure on myself by setting unattainable goals for myself.  Or to be drunk more.  They get about an equal response.

And yet, yet, I will admit, there is something about this time of year that lends itself to the desire for change.  It’s that lethal combination of over-indulgence, time spent with family, and self-reflection that just…make you hate yourself.  It’s sort of like that walk home from your TA’s apartment in early dawn that you spend thinking, “Holy shit…I am never going to drink again.”  The last three weeks have been a beautiful dream of chocolate, cream cheese, brown sugar, and butter.  No one judges you either, because hey, it’s the holidays!  And then I go spend time with my family.  Which is awesome!  (Really, Mom.)  But it’s also weird, because your old self that stayed back in your hometown and your new self that lives with your husband and your cats are suddenly trying to live together, and it’s weird.  And suddenly, I’m extremely aware of the changes I’ve gone through, and who I’ve become.  Which leads to an over-abundance of  self-examination, and way too much time spent looking at my life.  Which, eventually, ends in a long list of all the changes that I’d like to make in my life.  Which, if you’re that type of person, might look suspiciously like a list of resolutions.

So we’re not making resolutions this year.  But we have decided that we’d like to watch our weight and exercise more.  We have planned to save up our money so we can buy a Wii.  And we hope to travel more and take more pictures.

Looks like I’ve already broken my resolution not to make resolutions.


{ 4 comments… add one }
  • Camels & Chocolate December 31, 2009, 3:37 pm

    Ditto to the first non-resolution, and substitute “house” for “Wii” on the second. As far as travel more, I’m actually vowing to do the opposite, as there’s a happy balance I’ve yet to find, but for you I think you actually meant “travel more and take more pictures IN CALIFORNIA,” didn’t you? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

    It’s pretty high up on the list, I promise! Though to be fair, are you ever IN California? Shouldn’t we just meet up on the moon, or something?

  • Katy January 2, 2010, 8:01 pm

    “It’s sort of like that walk home from your TA’s apartment in early dawn that you spend thinking, “Holy shit…I am never going to drink again.”

    I mean…I love you.
    And my question over this New Years has been “If you make a resolution but no one is around to hear it, is it still valid?”, because it seems that everyone always wants to know what they are. But if you have one and no one knows it, is it still the same? I’d like to think so, but the how is it any different from waking up one morning and going “Hey…I want to do this now.”

    …silly New Years. You don’t really mean anything. Except that we’re still getting older.


  • Suzy Voices January 4, 2010, 2:59 pm

    Hey, we’re on the same page! I wrote pretty much the same blog post, but yours is better. 😉

  • Charm City Kim January 5, 2010, 7:30 am

    I am impressed with your resolution ritual!

    I usually make a list of a few things I’d like to try my hand out for the year and then I type them up in a Word document like a huge nerd.

    My resolutions have included: do a split (yes, with my legs… and no, I have yet to accomplish this), pay off credit card and cook one full sit down meal a week.

    I find that if I make it really specific, I stick to it (like the cooking thing) but that split? Yeah – that never happened.

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