There’s a website on the internet that is a danger to society. It lures you in with whispers of tempting pleasures, available to anyone. It blinds you with beauty, and places at your fingertips the thing that you believe will quench your strongest desires at an affordable price. Anyone with a credit card can indulge in their delights.
They sell one thing per day, in limited quantity, and super cheap. Like, stupidly cheap. Needless to say, we’re addicted. Some of the items purchased over the years by the Van Sandts off of Woot are: a GPS , digital picture frames, a pint-sized laptop, and enough witty t-shirts to construct a regulation-sized parachute.
Our most recent purchase?
A Roomba. A little robot that putters around our apartment and vacuums. It’s absolutely glorious.
Let me tell you how this thing works. Once the floor is cleared, I push the Clean button, (usually with my foot,) and Roomba backs itself out of its little charging station. (It even provides an adorable little “backing up” beep.) Then it crawls around the floor, sucking up crap as it goes. It works on the same principle as those little toy robots that run until they smack into the wall, except that instead of continuing to slam itself into the wall, it changes directions. And after enough passes, the whole carpet gets cleaned. And eventually, after enough cycles, it starts to learn my house, and is able to navigate the area fairly gracefully.
And it does a pretty damn good job. Better than I do. It gets right in all the corners and tight edges that I could totally get with the edging attachment if I wanted to. But now I’ve got a fucking robot that does it for me!
The best part? The damn thing puts itself away when it’s done.
Let me repeat that. The robot that cleans my carpet for me. Puts itself away. When it’s finished. Drives itself back into its little charging station and proudly announces its accomplishments with a little tinny tune.
I’ve never been one to place happiness and emotional value in possessions or objects. But you tell me: is there any bad day that can’t be made better by looking up over a glass of wine and seeing a little white robot cheerfully puttering across the carpet as it vacuums your floor?
No. The answer is no.