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Money in the Sky.

I know, I know, I’m supposed to be writing Part 2 of Seven Reason Smackdown tonight.  I’m not.  It’s because I’ve got a bigger rant brewing right now, and it’s just begging to be let out.

I’d like to share a secret with you all.  I hate money.  Not that hippy “money is bad, man” crap.  I generally like money and all the pleasures it can bring.  Like nice cheese.  I’ve even come to terms with credit cards and paying bills and the like.  I can see my bank account online, I can see where the money went, and I can see how much is left.  I understand it.

No, what I hate is the world of higher finances.  I had a discussion with my husband tonight during which he expressed frustration over the fact that I don’t notice things, like the fact that I apparently have a mutual fund, or the fact that it’s loosing money.  How was I supposed to know that this “magic money” floating somewhere out there in the universe existed?  How do I even know that it exists at all?  Because a piece of paper says so?

I think that’s what frustrates me about real money; it’s all so theoretical.  If I’m looking to purchase myself a package of Twizzler Pull and Peels and they are priced at 89 cents, then I better be digging 89 cents out of my cup holder.  If I can’t find 89 cents, then I don’t get candy.  The end.  I know what I have and what I don’t have and what’s stuck to the inside of the cup holder.  But mutual funds, money markets, stock, investments…it’s pretty much imaginary.  The only proof that this money exists is a number in a system somewhere.  What’s worse, the money is alive!  It grows, it shrinks, it multiplies, and all for no reason.  Or at least reasons that I don’t understand.  How do I know that there’s not just some guy hanging out, randomly deciding what my money should do next like a bad World of Warcraft character?  I don’t.  Neither do you.  And yet, I’m expected to fully understand the inner workings of this magic money and make decisions based on it.  I’m more informed on the inner workings of a leprechaun.  As made apparent by the end of our conversation:

Kyle:  Stephanie, this thing is bleeding money.

Me:  Maybe it’s gotten better since April.

Kyle:  *silence*  And we’re in a…what?  What’s it called?  Oh yeah, a recession!

Me:  Well, I don’t know, maybe they’ve invested in-

Kyle:  In what?  What’s possibly doing well right now?

Me:  *pause*  Bankrupsy lawyers and pawn shops?

Kyle:  Pawn shops?!  Why don’t we just take the money and invest it in a crack ring?

It’s a thought.  At least we’d get a better return on our money…

{ 3 comments… add one }
  • June February 3, 2009, 10:07 am

    You have stolen my thoughts, lol!!! I have thought this for years. Reading this makes me remember that I’ve lost a year’s salary (or so they say) in the market, but my life hasn’t changed a bit. Are they REALLY out there playing with my money?
    Oh, by the way, when I first saw the title of today’s blog, I first imagined you writing about your grandmother skydiving!!!!

  • Jason February 4, 2009, 8:43 am

    That’s awesome! And i agree completely. I had a discussion with my dad where i explained that my 10$ a week playing the lottery was my investment and it felt better to me then investing in the stock market.

    So i’m right there with you. And believe it or not…video games and movies are doing well right now.

    When you find out how it works, let me know. I’ll go look for leprechauns. I bet i’ll find them before you figure out how it works.


    JD (Jason)

  • Katy February 18, 2009, 11:59 pm

    I’m glad that I just stumbled upon the blog that I was excited for you to start and then promptly forgot about.
    And oh man…this just reminded me that the next time I call my dad (undoubtedly right before I file for my tax return) that I need to ask him if I have other money that I didn’t know existed until recently…like the savings bonds that were handed to me when I went home. Weee….

    Also, you might be better of with crystal meth than crack.


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