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The Great Pantie Debate

My taste in underpants tends to run in phases.  Freshmen gym and joining my first sports team inspired me to trade in my Underoos for more stylish underpants.  My favorite pair were baby blue and featured little cows and the words “Oh la vache!”  all over them.  The ballet company and its backstage quick changes introduced me to the thong and all the flexibility it afforded.  In college, dance classes meant I spent half my life in thongs and sports bras, but on weekends I insisted on wearing matching bra and panties, preferably bought in sets.  And over the last couple of years, my taste has waned a little.  Sure, I always pick out cute underpants in pretty colors and patterns, but they come in a five-pack from Walmart.  And if I’m sporting yellow and orange polka dotted underwear and a burgundy bra, it’s no big deal.  Honest to god, as long as they’re both clean, who cares what color they are?

But recently I decided that I deserve better.  We all know that I’m passionate about my Victoria’s Secret bras.  Clearly, I take care of my girls, and it’s time my bum got the same special treatment.  So it was time to trade my slightly dingy, clearly worn, Plain Jane underpants in for something a little more luxurious.  From underpants to panties.  Victoria’s Secret was running a special of 7 pairs of panties for $25.  I’ve got a couple pairs of theirs thanks to their Free Pantie coupons and I adore them.  Perfect.

So I went and I picked out a couple pairs of hipsters, a couple pairs of bikini cuts, all very cute.  Fun heart-shaped buttons, dainty little bows, ruching, contrasting colored trim, stripes, leopard, dots.  Kyle gave his approval, yet I was able to wear them to work and they were super comfy.  Love, love, love.

Until I went for my morning three-mile run.  And those darling little panties bunched themselves together and burrowed themselves halfway to my intestines.  I spent the first half of my run doing this odd little hop-step-wedgie-pick in a futile attempt to keep my underpants out of my ass.   Finally I just gave in, accepted their place in my crack, and finished my run.  The next day, same story.  Five steps in and ZOOM, they climbed right back up into my bum.  Rather than try to fight it, I attempted to leave them be and ignore them, with some success.  I definitely wished they weren’t there, but compared with my burning lungs and tired legs they were small potatoes.  Manageable.

Which brings us to The Great Pantie Debate.  I love my stylish new panties.  They’re fun and pretty and they put a smile on my face every time I pee.  They’re super duper comfy and totally practical in every aspect of my life.  Except when I run.  So is it worth it?  Do I keep sporting my pretty panties, knowing that I will forever run with a wedgie?  Or do I return to my Walmart specials, which, though totally unglamorous, stayed out of my ass 98% of the time?  (With the remaining 2% being when Kyle thinks he’s funny and sneaks up behind me and gives me wedgies.  God, I love that man…)  Is the happiness they give me worth the discomfort?

I don’t know.  I guess it’s something to pick at.

{ 10 comments… add one }
  • Camels & Chocolate November 22, 2010, 11:20 am

    Haaa, something to pick at, indeed.

    I used to be loyal to VS panties, until they began to do exactly what you mentioned above. Now I’ve switched exclusively to Gap (they also have the 5 for $25 deal), as they’re cute and FAR MORE COMFY. They’ve yet to do that surprise! bunching thing. Also, for my underwear shower over my bachelorette weekend, people gave me Hanky Panky boyshorts and On Gossamer pairs that I looooove. But those are a lot pricier.

    Also? I’ve never worn a thong. IN MY LIFE. Not once.

  • Adam Cornish November 22, 2010, 1:20 pm

    Do you deserve to have/wear panties that make you happy? Totally. Do you deserve to have panties that ride most of the way up your ass when you run? No. That’s why you keep 5-6 pairs of “old” panties that have been comfortable for running in the past and wear those while running. This also avoids undue sweating and staining of nice panties.

  • Charm City Kim November 22, 2010, 1:23 pm

    I think I’d opt for the 5-pack of Hanes if it kept me wedgie free during a run. Although I generally run in a thong… because I guess I’d rather be completely numb to the feeling of some fabric up my butt crack than only feel it when I’m running.

    The commenter above mentioned Hanky Panky undies. Not to overshare – but these are the only types of thongs I actually wear. They are ridiculously comfortable. They are a bit pricey but I think they’re totally worth it.

  • Sandy November 22, 2010, 6:01 pm

    1. I had to re-read the sentence about Kyle’ s approval. Thought HE was wearing them to work. Maybe he is. Pretty sure I don’t want to know that.
    2. Don’t run in the VS stuff. There are undies specifically for running but the suggestions above are good,too. Def don’t want anything else on the body complaining when lungs knees calves etc are singing a chorus.

    I just re-read that sentence as well, and your confusion comes from the fact that I forgot the word ‘I’ in there. *I* can wear them to work. Not Kyle. That would be awkward. (Mostly because I’m pretty sure he’d stretch out the elastic.)

  • Lucinda Ann Lau November 22, 2010, 10:24 pm

    woo woo!, you style maven.

  • Miss Melcious November 23, 2010, 11:18 am

    Ah! The great panty debate. Wear something more practical for running and the pretties for the rest of the time.
    problem solved.

    and free panty coupons….oh to be American!

  • gem November 23, 2010, 5:57 pm

    Oh that pun… but yeah, you can totally have the best of both worlds! You can wear different underwear for different things. I like to think that’s why different types were invented.

    I think you’re all underestimating my laziness. You see, when I get up and put on my running clothes, I want to do it as fast and with as little fuss as possible. So if I went to bed with socks on, those are the socks I run in. And whatever underpants I wore the day before…uh-huh. Don’t judge. But I suppose y’all are right, the solution is (as usual,) the simplest one: change my fucking underpants.

  • Sid November 24, 2010, 3:12 am

    Hahaha. I buy boy shorts with lace around the edges. And I buy em in bright colours. They’re sexy and comfy.

    Must admit, I loved this post

  • Katherine November 25, 2010, 8:25 am

    I always had old stuff and finally invested in some FUN PANTIES WOO HOO! My favs are inexpensive OP boy shorts I found at Walmart, go figure!

  • littlepitcher November 28, 2010, 11:01 am

    I hate to sound louche, but leaving them off entirely when on the treadmill is about to be my solution. Nobody will be looking up my shorts legs and nobody will notice the difference.

    Actually, this solution isn’t as ridiculous as it sounds. Up until I started dancing in productions with backstage quick changes, I did all my dancing commando. It’s just that underpants and I have such a history, I feel like we need to make it work.

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