Today, Kyle and I drove to Albany to go to the mall. And I was reminded of a few things…
Eating healthy at the food court is harder than finding my size at a sample sale.
Apple stores make me angry. The pretentious is just palatable.
Being broke sucks.
I love shopping. Love, love, love.
Kyle is one of the most aggravating people in the world to go shopping with. He has the attention span of a gnat, and he hates everything but the most classical of clothing. If it is remotely trendy, he thinks it looks weird. Honestly, he would be happy if I wore nothing but jeans and a black cami.
Which is why, I realized, I need a girlfriend.
Now, before I loose all the friends I currently have, I would like to clarify. I have girlfriends. Wonderful girlfriends. Girlfriends that I would gladly take a bullet for, (or at least give them the last cupcake.) Strong, beautiful women who inspire me and make me laugh, and make me cherish every second that we’re together. But they’re also girlfriends that I miss very much because currently, they’re very far away. California, Kentucky, Colorado, Michigan, Mars…no matter where they are, they can’t come shopping with me.
And then there’s my luscious blogging beauties. Amazing, hilarious, smart, beautiful women that I wish I could be. Woman that though I’ve never met face to face, I am dying to have a sleepover with, because I just know that we’re soul mates. (I was going to say soul sisters, but ever since Lady Marmalade that phrase sounds skanky.) But again, these women are scattered to the four corners of the earth, much too far away to have drinks with on Thursday.
And who could forget my wonderful friends here in Saratoga? The great guys I work with. Hilarious, caring guys who keep me from diving into insanity during some of the harder days, and all whom I hold with the up-most respect and admiration. But these guys? Are most definitely dudes. And I mean beer-drinking, dirty joke-telling, farting, swearing dudes; not appletini-sipping, hair-sweeping, gossiping, squealing dudes. Which means they do NOT want to go shopping with me, they do NOT want to go dancing with me, and for the love of GOD if I talk about my period again then they will ACTUALLY push me down the stairs this time.
Which is why I need a girlfriend. I need someone that I can go shopping with, who will help me find that perfect dress for my boss’ wedding. I need someone that I can talk to about my period without having them turn crazy red and cover their ears and scream, “LA LA LA, I CAN’T HEAR YOU!” And I need someone who will dance with me when Hot N Cold plays in the bar without being embarrassed by my awesome (and somewhat spastic) dance moves.
So I’m on the hunt for a perfect candidate. She has to be fun, have a good sense of humor and get mine, love shopping at both high-end and thrift stores, and be an uninhibited (though not necessarily talented) dancer. She must love food, both good and fried, music (especially of the Lady Gaga variety,) and enjoy manicures and pedicures. She needs to be good with directions, not mind a little chronic lateness, and be a crazy good listener and honest advice giver. Oh, and she needs to live in the Saratoga Springs/Albany area. It’s that last one that always trips people up…
So if you know her, please introduce us. Either that or one of you bitches better get your ass to Saratoga and help me pick out a dress!