≡ Menu

Wanted: One Girlfriend, Must Like Shopping

Today, Kyle and I drove to Albany to go to the mall.  And I was reminded of a few things…

Eating healthy at the food court is harder than finding my size at a sample sale.

Apple stores make me angry.  The pretentious is just palatable.

Being broke sucks.

I love shopping.  Love, love, love.

Kyle is one of the most aggravating people in the world to go shopping with.  He has the attention span of a gnat, and he hates everything but the most classical of clothing.  If it is remotely trendy, he thinks it looks weird.  Honestly, he would be happy if I wore nothing but jeans and a black cami.

Which is why, I realized, I need a girlfriend.

Now, before I loose all the friends I currently have, I would like to clarify.  I have girlfriends.  Wonderful girlfriends.  Girlfriends that I would gladly take a bullet for, (or at least give them the last cupcake.)  Strong, beautiful women who inspire me and make me laugh, and make me cherish every second that we’re together.  But they’re also girlfriends that I miss very much because currently, they’re very far away.  California, Kentucky, Colorado, Michigan, Mars…no matter where they are, they can’t come shopping with me.

And then there’s my luscious blogging beauties.   Amazing, hilarious, smart, beautiful women that I wish I could be.  Woman that though I’ve never met face to face, I am dying to have a sleepover with, because I just know that we’re soul mates.  (I was going to say soul sisters, but ever since Lady Marmalade that phrase sounds skanky.)   But again, these women are scattered to the four corners of the earth, much too far away to have drinks with on Thursday.

And who could forget my wonderful friends here in Saratoga?  The great guys I work with.  Hilarious, caring guys who keep me from diving into insanity during some of the harder days, and all whom I hold with the up-most respect and admiration.  But these guys?  Are most definitely dudes.  And I mean beer-drinking, dirty joke-telling, farting, swearing dudes; not appletini-sipping, hair-sweeping, gossiping, squealing dudes.  Which means they do NOT want to go shopping with me, they do NOT want to go dancing with me, and for the love of GOD if I talk about my period again then they will ACTUALLY push me down the stairs this time.

Which is why I need a girlfriend.  I need someone that I can go shopping with, who will help me find that perfect dress for my boss’ wedding.  I need someone that I can talk to about my period without having them turn crazy red and cover their ears and scream, “LA LA LA, I CAN’T HEAR YOU!”  And I need someone who will dance with me when Hot N Cold plays in the bar without being embarrassed by my awesome (and somewhat spastic) dance moves.

So I’m on the hunt for a perfect candidate.  She has to be fun, have a good sense of humor and get mine, love shopping at both high-end and thrift stores, and be an uninhibited (though not necessarily talented) dancer.  She must love food, both good and fried, music (especially of the Lady Gaga variety,) and enjoy manicures and pedicures.  She needs to be good with directions, not mind a little chronic lateness, and be a crazy good listener and honest advice giver.  Oh, and she needs to live in the Saratoga Springs/Albany area.  It’s that last one that always trips people up…

So if you know her, please introduce us.  Either that or one of you bitches better get your ass to Saratoga and help me pick out a dress!

{ 8 comments… add one }
  • Dave Mullholand April 12, 2010, 6:26 pm

    I think our friend Jessica Durham would be perfect. I told you about her earlier. She’s just down the street at the Albany Police Department.

  • san April 12, 2010, 6:47 pm

    You know, I have the EXACT same problem and I am thinking the invention of the “speed-of-light-travel-device” is in dire need here – than location wouldn’t be such a huge problem.

  • SassyGirl April 13, 2010, 10:14 am

    Should we be worried that you NEED to talk to someone about your period? Haha, just kidding.

    Honestly, location is such a bitch. I think a teleportation device is in order. Or, you should move to where the cool kids are! (Clearly not in Saratoga, ahem).

  • gem April 13, 2010, 1:25 pm

    I have a surplus of those girls. I would like some of those manly, farting fellows you have over yonder because it would be nice to feel like I’m girly (rather than getting expectant looks when I have nothing to contribute to nail polish conversation.) So we should trade! Somehow… we’ll make it work…

    I hope you like discussions about poo and what they did to your mom last night.

  • Rikki April 14, 2010, 1:46 pm

    Dude. I miss you.

    Miss you too, pretty girl. More than you will ever know.

  • Charm City Kim April 15, 2010, 10:48 am

    Ooh that’s tough. I haven’t moved out of the state since elementary school so I’ve had friends forever. That is one of my fears about moving somewhere new! I’d be girlfriend-less.

  • Kate April 20, 2010, 12:37 pm

    DUDE. I KNOW. Except my female friends move away from me–or become part of popular constantly touring bands; either way. I’m nearly always without any uterus-bearing friends.
    And I love my guys, they’re wonderful. And they’re girlfriends are always really nice but those are typically passing relationships.

    Let me know if the internet plea works out for you–I’m totally gonna try it.

  • adriana April 22, 2010, 11:36 am

    I wish I lived closer so that we could shop together. Because I know exactly what you mean!

    I’m fortunate enough to live near some very good shopping buddies. Good luck finding a shopping buddy, and anytime you’re in LA, we should shop!

Leave a Comment

Next post:

Previous post: