Today is a Sunday.
Yes, it is. I know that the calender says that today is Monday, but I have declared it a Sunday.
See, days of the week are irrelevant in the Van Sandt household. A Saturday doesn’t mean that we’re at home, a Friday isn’t our last day of work for the week, and just because we’re drunk doesn’t mean it’s either one of those days. I’m more likely to know how far we are into the week’s progression by what show we’re doing than by what day of the week it is.
Instead, I’ve decided, we should use the days of the week as a classification system rather than a measurement of the passage of time.
A Monday is a day when we’re super productive and get caught up on all our household chores. The house is a wreck and laundry hasn’t been done in forever, and we need to dig ourselves out of the mess.
A Tuesday is a day when we have to go to work or we have things to do, but it’s not necessarily anything out of the ordinary or exciting. We’re just doing what we do.
A Wednesday is a day that’s extra crazy or right in the thick of things, when we’re balls to the wall and up to our elbows in insanity. Our day is long and exhausting, and we just try to get through.
A Thursday is day when we’re not necessarily working, but we still have a structured schedule or plan of action for the day that we want to stick to. Like a skiing day or a hiking day. We probably still get up early, and the day will be long, but in an easy, low-pressure kind of way.
A Friday is a day when we work or otherwise get shit done during the day, but then hangout and have fun at night.
A Saturday is for getting drunk and doing fun shit.
And a Sunday is any day that is lazy and cozy when we don’t really feel like doing anything.
So we won’t be waking up in the morning and saying, “Oh, it’s Tuesday, that means I’ll be working and going to appointments and shit,” because in our house, Tuesday doesn’t mean shit. Instead, we should wake up and say, “Oh, it’s raining and shitty outside and we don’t have any plans for the day. I think today is feeling like a Sunday.” Or, “Fuck, this kitchen is trashed, this Thursday just turned into a bitch of a Monday.”
This week, for example. Tomorrow is an epic huge show with a loose plan of action and a loooong work day. Tomorrow is going to be a Wednesday. The day after that (what you guys would call Wednesday) is our one day off before our trip, full of errands, chores, and a million things to get done, which means it’s going to be a total Monday. After that is a Friday, when we’ll be driving to Newark, catching a plane, touching down in Chicago, and driving straight to the rehearsal dinner for our college buddy’s wedding. (Though if our travel gets messy it could easily turn into a Wednesday.) And the next day, the day of our friend’s wedding, is going to be one hell of a Saturday.
Makes sense to me.