≡ Menu

The One in Which Kyle Becomes a Man and is Permanently Scarred

AT RISE: Kyle and Stephanie stand in a corridor at a local art gallery.  They are among well-dressed people from Kyle‘s theatre, all admiring paintings based on the theatre’s past productions.

They are approached by an older gentleman, likely in his late 50’s.

ELDERLY MAN: (Places hand on Kyle’s shoulder.)  How are you doing?

KYLE: (Assumes that the man is someone from the theatre, knows that he’s the new Technical Director, and means it in a joking punch-in-the-arm kind of way.) Oh, great, great.

ELDERLY MAN: (Faces Kyle and places his other hand on Kyle’s other should.  To Stephanie without taking his eyes off Kyle.) He’s a very handsome man, isn’t he?

STEPHANIE:  (Smiling, thinking that he’s joking.) Yes, he is!  (Kyle looks extremely uncomfortable.)

ELDERLY MAN: (Still without looking away from Kyle’s face.) Oh, did you come together?

STEPHANIE: Yup!  (Kyle’s face is noticeably pale.)

ELDERLY MAN: (Finally looks at Stephanie, with intensity.) Do you love him?

STEPHANIE: (Holds up her ringed left hand and takes Kyle’s hand in her right.  Kyle looks as if he would like very much like to cry.) Enough to marry him!

ELDERLY MAN: (Quickly drops his hands from Kyle’s shoulders.) Oh, OH, you’re married!

The three shift uncomfortably and laugh nervously. Kyle grips Stephanie’s hand very hard.  Fingers are broken. Elderly Man asks Stephanie what kind of work she does, but doesn’t listen to the answer.  He turns to Kyle.

ELDERLY MAN: So, what do you do for a living?

KYLE: (Stares at him with horror.) I’m…I’m the new Technical Director.  At this theatre…here.


He turns his head to say hello to a woman coming up behind him.  As soon as his head turns, Kyle shoves Stephanie in the back in the direction of the exit.

KYLE: (In a terrified shouting-whisper.) GO!  GO!  Seriously, let’s get the FUCK out of here!  GO!

Stephanie trips over herself and they walk make a break for the exit.  Once in the car, Stephanie laughs so hard that she wets herselfKyle tells her to go to the deepest part of hell.  They recover by going to the pub and ordering fish and chips and Guinness.


{ 8 comments… add one }
  • Charm City Kim September 16, 2009, 8:34 am

    Wow – the people of Saratoga Springs really ARE friendly! 🙂

  • George Spelvin September 16, 2009, 8:46 am

    “…built like a fire hydrant or bulldog–whichever you find sexier…”

  • Suzy Voices September 16, 2009, 3:08 pm

    HA! Poor Kyle. He can’t help being so sexy. 😉

  • Carrie September 17, 2009, 5:35 am

    This is hilarious!!! I laughed so hard.

  • Katy September 19, 2009, 10:04 am

    That is amazing. I’m so sad I didn’t see it actually happen.

  • chinkygirlmel September 19, 2009, 7:28 pm

    That is funnnnnnny. I can only imagine how uncomfortable that must have been to Kyle. lols. hehehehehe

  • allison September 24, 2009, 11:19 pm

    This is going to come out harsher than I mean for it to, but…

    You need to update more. And by that, I mean, I NEED YOU TO UPDATE MORE. Sometimes your blog is the only thing that makes me laugh. And, I’ll be honest, not-even-once-a-week isn’t enough. I know I’m demanding, and I know you have your own life and your own (by now scarred) husband, but please… don’t forget us. Do it for me. Pouty face.

  • The Bee September 25, 2009, 8:16 am

    Wow, that was actually so strange that I still don’t even get it.

Leave a Comment