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Handing out my Honest Crap

So, I got this neat little award-thingy from lovely and oh-so-talented Allison over at Allison Writes.  (I’m gonna insert the link here a few more times, just in case you didn’t get it.  Or your aim is bad.)  It’s called the “Honest Scrap” Award.


Which I think I got because I share inappropriate amounts of my life with the internet.  Though in all fairness, when I first saw it, I thought it said “Honest Crap,” to which my response was “Fair enough.  At least she’s honest.”

The idea is that now, I’m supposed to write 10 things about myself that no one knows, and pass this award on to 10 people, which to be honest, feels a little chain letter-ish.  You know, like the ones that went around in the 90’s that promised that if you sent this e-mail to 10 people, Bill Gates would donate crayons to starving goats in Africa.  Or something of that nature.  But because I’m narcissistic enough to think anyone gives a shit, (and in the mood to alienate a few future employers,) I’ll share 10 thing about myself that no one knows.  (Not no one in the world, more like no one outside my apartment; you want 10 things my husband doesn’t know about me and we’re going to have to start talking about tampons.)

But I’m not going to pass on the award.  I know, I’m a bitch.  Hear me out.  I read a lot of really kick-ass blogs.  Like, REALLY kick-ass blogs.  Blogs that make me pee my pants.  Blogs that make me think.  Blogs that make me wish I knew these people in real life.  Blogs that make me wish I were these people in real life.  And I’ve only got one chance to award them.  (Because after one you’re just getting clingy.)

So I need to do it properly.  And “Honest Scrap” just doesn’t describe how I feel about these blogs.  It describes my blog perfectly, because that’s what my blog is; it’s the scraps from my mind that my husband got tired of listening to and I now share with the world without alteration or exaggeration.  (Or maybe just a little.)  But it just doesn’t cover the true admiration and obsession I have over the words of these amazing women.

So I’m saving it.  Saving it for the award that truly describes how I feel.  Maybe it’ll come along, or maybe I’ll make up my own.  In the meantime, I’ll continue to sit in the corner, watching them from afar and waiting for the chance.  To ask them.  To dance.

I think that’s from an 80’s song.

Honest Crap or 10 Things I Doubt Anyone Gives a Shit About, But Hey, I Can Say I Tried

1) I have to clean my ears out after EVERY shower.  If I don’t, it feels like my brains are leaking out my ears.

2) Three days ago, I watched Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back for the first time.  Afterward, I tweeted Kevin Smith, professing my love to him.  I then proceeded to spend the next two days fantasizing that Kevin Smith found my blog, became enamored with it, and called to insist that he sponsor it, offering me 50K/year to write my blog.  He also may or may not have fallen in love with me.

3) I despise inside jokes, even when I’m in on them.

4) Since I was very young, I’ve had a stutter.  By now I’ve gotten good enough at covering it up that most people don’t notice it at all, except when I’m very tired, under a lot of stress, or ordering at a restaurant.

5) As a kid, sleeping in was not considered an acceptable use of time.  As a result, if I sleep past about 10am (which I’ve been doing more recently,) I get really agitated about the time lost, even if I have nothing important to be doing.

6) My husband and I have an empty growler on our kitchen counter, into which we throw out beer bottle caps.  I wrote the date on the growler’s cap, so we can see how long it took us to fill it.

7) I recently rekindled my childhood love affair with Mike&Ikes, thanks to the vending machine in the laundromat.

8 ) My gender exceptions include Sarah Chalke, Kari Byron, and Uma Therman.  I would add Stacy London to the list but I’m afraid she’d judge me.

9) I judge people based on what’s in their grocery carts.  I also hold the illusion  that the mere fact that I drive a manual car makes me better than everyone else.

10) I love getting my nails done, but I’m terrible at maintaining them.  The polish on my toes is from six weeks ago.

{ 12 comments… add one }
  • hillary August 7, 2009, 2:00 pm

    I think driving a manual makes me badass 🙂
    And I don’t know when the polish on my toes is from. June maybe.

  • Princess of the Universe August 7, 2009, 2:38 pm

    I used to love Kevin Smith- but after watching/reading some of his interviews, I realized that I liked him better as Silent Bob.

  • Suzy Voices August 7, 2009, 2:44 pm

    2) Did he tweet you back?

    He did not. Obviously because he was too busy composing the letter to the woman who’s witty words touched the infinite depths of his sole. Any minute now…

    6) What’s a growler?

    A growler is a half-gallon jug. Because beer should be sold by the half-gallon.

    9) Ditto on the grocery cart, and you are a badass for driving a manual!
    (I can’t)

  • allison August 8, 2009, 1:11 pm

    I feel like a badass driving a manual, too. I feel like a badass just knowing I am ABLE to drive a manual, even when I’m walking around the grocery store (shielding the contents of my cart, because I KNEW people judged me on that! Yes, I’m single and I still love Spaghetti-Os, EFF YOU!)

    The award was supposed to say Honest Crap, the S stands for Shitty

    (Oh, but you know I love you. Right? Right. Right?)

  • Camels & Chocolate August 8, 2009, 6:55 pm

    You crack me up. Seriously, SVV and I are forever laughing at your comments. (And I try to e-mail you back frequently and get a failed error. Boo!) My new favorite Stephanie-inspired saying is “to shank a bitch for.” My mom will thank you for entering that into my lexicon =)

  • gem August 9, 2009, 12:46 pm

    I literally lol-ed at “I would add Stacy London to the list but I’m afraid she’d judge me.” Mostly because I dislike Stacy London… but hey, more for you!

  • doahleigh August 10, 2009, 11:02 am

    I drive a manual too, and I’ve never doubted that that makes me better than everyone.

  • Charm City Kim August 10, 2009, 12:44 pm

    Holy crap – I used to drive a manual until last month. I definitely felt much better than everyone else and actually feel like a small part of me died when I purchased the automatic car. Stupid husband for holding me to my double standard (I wouldn’t let him get a manual car back in December because hello? That would make the fact that I drive one less special).

  • Jeff August 10, 2009, 6:43 pm

    So how do I get my wife to feel the same way about driving stick? She won’t even begin to think about learning how….

    I had an ex to got a stiffy over a chick driving a stick. Thought it was the hottest thing in the world. So hot that he didn’t even get mad when I flooded the engine of his Mazda6.

  • Mandi August 11, 2009, 10:27 am

    1) I have to clean my ears out after EVERY shower. If I don’t, it feels like my brains are leaking out my ears.

    That’s hilarious, I am the same way!

    10) I love getting my nails done, but I’m terrible at maintaining them. The polish on my toes is from six weeks ago.

    Same here, too… And actually, the polish on my toes is from when my son was born, he’ll be 2 months on the 17th.

  • The Bee August 14, 2009, 10:10 am

    I think we are the same person. I too judge people based on what is in their grocery carts and will often refrain from buying junk food b/c I am afraid I will be judged. I too think I am superior b/c I drive a stick and I am afraid to buy a manual b/c I will then join the lesser population. I too am obsessive about cleaning my ears – although I take my compulsion a bit further and must use hydrogen peroxide.

    One questions though – wtf is a growler???

    A growler is a half-gallon jug. Because if milk can be bought by the half-gallon, beer should be, too.

  • chinkygirlmel August 18, 2009, 8:31 am

    awww…congrats on receiving this award. You had me laughing at your reason why you are cleaning your ears after every shower. Brains leaking out of your ears? hehehehe…I wonder what my excuse would have to be, I find myself cleaning my ears almost 5 times a day. =)

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