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Fuck You, Third Dimension!

I try to live my life without regret.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done a lot of stupid things in my life.  Not end-up-in-jail stupid, but definitely hide-under-the-covers-in-shame-and-maybe-avoid-certain-people-for-a-while stupid.  But I believe that we are the sum of our experience, so as long as I’m happy with the person I am today, I can’t regret the choices that I made yesterday.

But today, I regret the choices I made yesterday.  Just thinking about what Kyle and I did is enough to make me feel sick.  I feel dirty and stupid and like a lesser person because of it.

Yesterday, Kyle and I paid $28 to see Toy Story 3 in 3D.

Before I go on, I’d like to state for the record that Toy Story 3 was a great movie.  It was funny, it had heart, (a little scary,) and it made both Kyle and I nostalgic for the childhood friends of our own pasts.  Overall, a great way to end the Toy Story trilogy.

But the fact that we paid $28 to see it makes me loose control of my dinner.  It was bad enough when movie tickets were $10 a piece, but the fact that they feel justified in tacking on an extra $4 per ticket  because the movie is in 3D is just extortion.

I should also state for the record that I’m a little biased against 3D movies.  Okay, who am I kidding, I hate 3D movies.  The glasses are uncomfortable and hurt my nose.  The projections are almost never perfectly overlapped; at best they give me a headache, at worst, make me motion sick.  Plus, there’s the fact that I don’t like things flying at my face, which is pretty much the whole gimmick of 3D movies.  If I want to see large objects come flying at my face, I’ll go straddle the dividers on the highway.  I go to movies to relax and watch other people have death defying adventures, not have them myself.

Which, I suppose, is why the fact that we paid $8 extra to see it in 3D makes me so mad.  Like I said, Toy Story 3 is a great movie, but seeing in in 3D made it no better than if we’d watched it in 2D.  The 3D didn’t add anything to the movie.  Oh, sure, for the first 45 seconds you’re all like, “Oh, wow!  There’s shit flying at my face!  Neat-o!”  But then your eyes adjust, and it’s no longer anything special.  You’re just watching a movie.  In fact, for me, it made it less enjoyable of an experience, so for me, it’s just watching a movie, but while wearing my grandfather’s reading glasses.

Unfortunately, it seems as if this is the trend the movie industry is heading towards.  It seems like every movie these days is coming out “IN 3D!” And why not?  At least for animated movies, making a movie 3D takes no extra effort, and cost them nothing.  If Kyle’s high school friend who now works for Pixar is to be believed, it’s as easy as making a selection from a drop-down menu.  And adding $4 to the price of each ticket.  (That’s where the real skill comes in.)

But what fries me the most is the fact that there’s no longer the choice of seeing a movie in 2D.  Okay, so even if it doesn’t cost anything extra to make the movie in 3D, I can see how you might want to charge a little extra for the cost of maintaining another projector and those cheap-ass glasses.  That’s fine.  Let the people who give a shit about things like seeing a movie in 3D pay extra for it.  Let me and the people who don’t give a shit see it in regularD.  In fact, I not only don’t care, but I don’t want to see it in 3D; that third dimension is a deterrent for me.  But some movies, like Toy Story 3, aren’t even offered in 2D around here.  Which is why I have a hard time seeing the $4 tack-on as the cost of an addition feature, instead of just jacking up movie prices.

Which is why, last night, I think Kyle and I saw our last movie in the theaters.  I mean, what’s the point?  We can drive to the theater, pay $28, have to wear uncomfortable glasses, listen to some little twat behind me talk during the whole movie, and leave with a headache.  Or, we can wait a couple months and stream it on Netflix.  We can go out and enjoy a nice dinner at a local restaurant, then come home and sit on our couch, (with or without pants,) and enjoy the brilliant voicing and inspired writing with a beer in our hands and cats in our laps.  For the same price.

I’ll take the beer and cats, thank you.

(Especially with no pants.)

{ 8 comments… add one }
  • doahleigh July 2, 2010, 11:59 am

    I’ve only seen one movie in 3D, and whoa it was expensive. Probably won’t do that again, but I will be going to the theatre. I love theatre popcorn and fountain soda and watching a movie on a big screen. We don’t go a ton, but it’s a little way to treat ourselves now and then.

    Plus I hear once you have kids, that like, never happens again. Ever. So I gotta go while the going’s good!

    (This is not my way of saying I’m having a baby anytime soon.)

  • allison July 2, 2010, 2:43 pm

    Our tickets were $33 total… $15 each (for the 3D) and then just regular tax, I guess. Stupid price, yes, but I thought it was worth it. I love Toy Story and I actually liked it being in 3D because (to me) it seemed well done. Not that much shit was thrown in your face (like those silly amusement park 3D movies that do it for screams) so I liked it. Also, it was the first movie Brian and I have seen in a theater together, so we thought it was funny to go all out and see 3D + IMAX. We’ve agreed to ONLY see 3D movies in theater from now on actually, because others we can just watch from Netflix. But it’ll only be movies we really want to see – we can’t drop $33 every week on movies. We never really go to theaters anyway, so it won’t be a big deal.

  • Camels & Chocolate July 2, 2010, 3:41 pm

    Ahhhh, Scott and I share your sentiments and have this very discussion every time we see a new preview (though we’ve only sprung for 3-D twice so far…Avatar, worth it; Alice in Wonderland, not so much). We’re 3-D fatigued. Already! Dude, even freakin’ Rapunzel is coming out in 3-D. W. T. F.

    I will admit, Avatar was definitely a movie that needed the 3D. Without it, it’s just FernGully.

  • Kate (and Ben) July 4, 2010, 7:21 am

    TOTALLY AGREE!!! We have enough movie houses around us that we’ve decided to just buy a 2-D ticket and see the 3-D movie. We’ve got a pair of glasses in the car in case we decide to see a spur-of-the-moment movie. The last time we bought a 3-D ticket, I actually balked at the poor clerk. It was a matinee–WHY was it more than $18?
    The difference between Avatar and Toy Story (or Alice in Wonderland, or Shrek 4, or the Harry Potter 7) is Avatar was made FOR 3-D and the rest were just “selected from a drop-down menu.”
    It’s ridiculous.

  • gem July 4, 2010, 11:22 am

    I have yet to see a movie in 3D, but regular tickets are $14 in NYC, so this entry made me smile (mostly in self-pity, haha.) And while I understand your frustration, I don’t think it makes sense for movie theaters to offer both options. They’d end up losing money, most likely. Plus movie theaters are about an experience, and that experience is the movie at it’s biggest, loudest, and most engrossing peak. Which now can include 3D, which they will use to the utmost.

  • Charm City Kim July 6, 2010, 6:20 am

    I’m with you on this 3D trend. The glasses hurt and the images give me a massive headache! I’ve seen 3 movies in 3D – Avatar, Alice in Wonderland and Toy Story 3. The first 2 left me with the worst headache. Toy Story 3 wasn’t very 3D-ish. I didn’t understand how or why it was even 3D (but I LOVED it).

  • SassyGirl July 9, 2010, 9:24 am

    I hate 3D as well. It’s the stupid fucking glasses. I can’t deal with them, because I have my own glasses thankyouverymuch, and where am I supposed to wear the extra set? And yes, having two sets of glasses on my face guarantees a bad time. Headaches, nausea (from being such a fashion faux-pas), and disgust.

    Movie theatre tickets are too expensive these days. I used to go see a movie once a week with friends, now that activity has been completely removed from our repertoire. I’d much rather wait a few weeks/months to see the movie in the comfort of my own home, where I can eat as much popcorn as I want, talk as loudly as I want, and wear as many or as few items of clothing as I want.

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