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That’s how I feel. Blergh. The last two weeks have finally caught up with me.

Busy work schedule makes for not enough sleep. Not enough sleep means more coffee than usual, always topped with caramel macchiato cream. We didn’t do a very good job of planning our meals, so we didn’t have enough leftovers to take to work for dinner. No leftovers means that we go out for every meal, usually Chinese, McDonald’s, or enormous Italian subs loaded with salami and homemade cheese and drenched in oil. My brother was in town visiting, (more on that later,) and we wanted to take him out to some of the wonderful local restaurants in town. Going out with my brother means an over-indulgence in Irish stews, sumptuous chocolate ice cream, and a pancake breakfast that was originally developed for a lumberjack, or at least someone with a larger stomach than me. And beer. Lots and lots of cold, bitter, delicious beer.

It was delicious and decadent and wonderful.

But after two weeks, my body has had enough of the abuse. It’s throw up it’s metaphorical hands and said, “Fuck you, you’re on you own, asshole.” I’m tired. I feel bloated. Every time I put on my pants I’m secretly afraid they won’t fit, and secretly relieved when they do. My face is breaking out in a way that it hasn’t since I was 13. I’ve recently started getting car sick, and a headache is always around the corner. And, well, let’s just say there’s some epic crop dusting going on in the Van Sandt house.


I’m thinking it’s time to maybe give my body a break for a while. Help it out a little. I feel like I need a detox. Not a literal detox; if I hated myself enough to only drink maple syrup and cayenne pepper for a week I would save myself the syrup and just throw myself into traffic. Just, you know, maybe lay off the fried shit for a while. Drink some water that hasn’t been mixed with barley and cold filtered. And I’m just saying, a salad is sounding really fucking good right about now.

This is not to say that I’m breaking up with beer and fried things forever. They may not treat me right, but damnit, our love is strong and true. Our love is forever. But we do need to take a break for a little while. I need to be myself for a while, and experiment a little. Have a torrent affair with vegetables. Maybe a three-way with water and exercise that ends with bad feelings. Don’t worry, beer and fried shit, I’ll come back to you. I always do.

As soon as I quit feeling so blergh.

{ 3 comments… add one }
  • Christine April 2, 2012, 10:29 am

    Yeah, I was not well after our shenanigans of Saturday night. Water and sleep (that doesn’t commence at 2:00am) is the order of the next couple of days.

    Don’t get me wrong, that’s not to say that I regret said shenanigans. I’d drink every one of those beers over again, given the opportunity. It’s just that I need a few days of good behavior before we tear it up again.

  • adriana April 3, 2012, 9:43 am

    This was totally me two weeks ago when I got back from NYC! I had eaten my way through the city and felt sooo gross. Now I’m almost back to normal… the drinking water thing helps more than I’d like to admit. 🙂

  • Camels & Chocolate April 3, 2012, 2:55 pm

    The one time I tried the Master Cleanse, I ate a whole batch of puppy chow (as in the sweet, powdered sugar Chex mix kind…not the actual stuff, that’d be weird) on day six, which I’m pretty sure negated the whole purpose of a detox in the first place.

    Now THAT’s a cleanse I could get behind.

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