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Today Belongs to Victory or No More Gas Station Pantyhose For Me!

I could do absolutely nothing for the rest of the day and today would still be considered a victory.

I could sit on the couch and watch the entirety of a Jersey Shore marathon.

I could lie on the carpet and try to catch Cheez-Its in my mouth.

I could spend the entire afternoon playing Solitare.

I could lay in bed and watch YouTube videos of kittens sneezing.

I could create a MySpace profile.

I could lie on the floor and stare at the ceiling for the rest of the day and today would still be a success.

Why?

Because I, ladies and gentlemen, bought pantyhose for my brother’s graduation, which is still two weeks away.

I did not wear the only pair I could find, ones that have been dried too many times, are held together with clear nail polish and hair spray, and are completely missing the crotch.

I did not buy a pair in the airport on the way to get my luggage.

I did not buy a pair at a gas station on the way to the event.

No, I bought a pair of pantyhose before the day of the event.  Two weeks before, no less.*  This was a feat of planning and responsibility of epic magnitude.  Okay, so maybe it was more like I happened to walk by the hosiery display at Rite Aid while I was picking up some toilet paper because I’d gone for my morning pee and discovered that we were completely out of toilet paper and I was not going to “just use kleenexes”  like Kyle suggested because, ew, that’s weird, and when I saw the display I thought, “Oh, shit, I should buy some pantyhose for Chris’ graduation so I don’t have to buy them from a gas station on the way to his graduation like I usually do.”  But the point is I actually bought the fucking things.    Which is, itself, a feat of planning and responsibility of epic magnitude.

I’m claiming today in the name of victory, bitches.

 

 

*Which means I now have two weeks to loose them, buy another pair at a gas station on the way to his graduation, and find them three months later.  The point is, I bought them.

{ 3 comments… add one }
  • gem April 19, 2011, 9:53 am

    Hahaha. I called someone back this morning (he didn’t pick up) and am already chalking the day up to success too! We are so good at life! Yes!

  • The Barreness April 20, 2011, 11:55 am

    Err…I recommend stay ups wholeheartedly.

    Then again, I find crotchless pantyhose useful for all sorts of reasons.

    Just sayin.

    – B x

  • Jessica April 21, 2011, 5:28 am

    Pantyhose that is missing the crotch?

    You need to wear those.

    😉

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